In a general sense most men’s motivation and drive comes from their desire to achieve and be successful. This is typically career and financial success as well as success in chosen sporting endeavours. To be successful most men believe that they need to own a lot of “STUFF”. This is “STUFF” like cars, houses, boats, investment properties, motorbikes, expensive watches and on and on.

Many men strive for and derive a great deal of their self worth and value from the attainment of “STUFF” that makes them feel like an alpha male.

Certainly not all, but many women on the other hand derive their self worth and value through building effective, meaningful and successful relationships with their partner, children, extended family, friends and even colleagues.

Now please don’t get me wrong as it’s 2016 and I appreciate there are many women absolutely dominating and crushing it in the corporate and business world and like many men, their main driver is also that of financial success and the recognition of their peers.

However I say with confidence having read well over one hundred books on matters of building effective relationships, marriages and understanding women that for example, more elderly women in a general sense will look back on their lives and base their level of success on how much the closest people in their lives love them and the health status of those relationships.

This is because most women place love and effective communication at the top of their desire tree.

So coming back to the point of today’s post and how being successful can leave you broke and miserable.

In the pursuit of big salaries, year on year business growth, the accumulation of more and more “STUFF” and being the envy of our mates at the pub and bar, many men are working very long, hard hours. This has never been more true than in the last 20 years or so in which the cost of living has become very challenging in Australia and corporate employment and business competition is fiercer than ever.

There is one industry however who in the last 20 years has likely had more clientele and sector growth than they can deal with. If you haven’t guessed already I’m referring to divorce attorneys and mediators.
With divorce rates at 55% and climbing, it’s no longer even accurate for newly married couples to flip a coin to predict the chances of them lasting the distance.



photo: www.huffingtonpost.com




Nothing right?

As blokes we know that if we want to attract the ladies we need to have an impressive job and pick her up in a flash car right? And if we want this lady to turn into our wife then we’d better start getting promoted every few years or build and scale our businesses so we climb our way to the very top.

Once at the top we can buy her that big house, her own flash car, the best kitchen appliances and clothes, a pool, a holiday house and anything else we think will make our lady happy and make us heroes for giving it to her!!

Now I want to play a Question and Answer game with you?


QUESTION: What do you call a lady sitting in a big house with a beautiful pool, a flash car in the garage, an immaculate kitchen, a wardrobe full of designer clothes, a holiday house to escape to and a husband working insane hours who she barely sees or who’s drained and emotionally unavailable when she does see him?

Anyone know the answer………………..? Nah

ANSWER: Ok I’ll tell you then, the answer is a miserable wife surrounded by amazing “STUFF” who’s sitting on the internet googling “the steps to getting a divorce” and looking for divorce attorneys in her local area.

Before I continue though, let me bring this discussion into reality with 2 key points:
#1 – Point number one is that I’m not pretending money is not critically important for the health of a marriage and statistics even suggest 80% of divorces are due to financial stresses. Just regarding point number one though, it’s rarely specified that much of this stress is not necessarily due to a lack of money, but rather a disconnect in how one partner chooses to save, spend and utilize the shared money VS the other partner in the relationship or marriage.
#2 – And the second point is that there will always be gold digging females and males who place the earning capacity of their partner at the top of their desire tree. But this is and always will be just a minority of the population.

The point of today’s post is to open men’s eyes to the fact that YES, women are attracted to and desire nice “STUFF” in their lives. But not if all that “STUFF” comes at the expense of:

  • Your emotional connection as a couple
  •  Your ability to spend regular quality time together to nurture and further develop your emotional connection together
  •  Your ability to have regular and effective communication and conversations that are deeper than “How was your day”, “Did you pay that bill”, “Anything I need to know with the kids” etc
  • And your ability to connect regularly on an emotional and deep conversational level in order to maintain her interest in having a physical/sexual relationship with you as these 2 factors are very much intertwined for women.


If your unsuccessful as a husband or boyfriend in providing these necessary elements to your partner, as mentioned earlier your girlfriend or wife will be a miserable lady with a lot of great “STUFF” around her. But you see her misery will act like a “STUFF PROPELLER” in which she doesn’t notice nor care about any of the “STUFF” your success and insane work ethic has provided her.

And if you’re in fact a workaholic for your own benefit and all the cool “STUFF” in the house, garage and man cave is all for you then this is even worse. If you’re being selfish in this way, well you’ll just end up an alpha male with a successful career and loads of cool “STUFF” who eventually loses it all in a bitter divorce to your miserable wife or defacto partner who hasn’t been provided with what she really wants which is:

  1.  Attention
  2. Affection and
  3. Emotional connection


And instead of being financially free or at least well off from years of hard work and climbing to the top, you’ll instead be a middle aged man with a massive invoice from your divorce attorney, not much money and very little “STUFF”.



photo: www.canada.com


The amount of times I’ve heard men (myself included) who’ve just been dumped say something like:

  • I gave her everything, I gave her the world and she just left me
  • I gave her a big house, a holiday house and no financial stress and that wasn’t enough for her
  • I worked so hard for our family and she just left me
  • And my personal favourite which takes place when the boys get together at the pub or bar and goes something like> “You wouldn’t believe it guys! You know Mikes brother Paul? You know, the guys who’s a pool cleaner and makes no money, yeah well Karen (the ex wife) is dating him know.


Ha ha ha man they won’t be eating at nice restaurants or going on overseas trip. That won’t last long before she dumps him just like she dumped me ha ha ha ha”.
And whilst these douchebags are laughing, high fiving, comparing the thickness of their wallets and the square footage of their holiday homes, Paul’s at home with Karen and showing her

  1. Attention
  2. Affection and
  3. Emotional connection.


Paul did this by;

  • First going out of his way to express how excited he was for Karen to arrive home and told her that he’d really missed her since they last spent time together.
  • Paul then poured Karen a glass of wine and took her into a separate and quiet part of the house. He asked her to leave her mobile phone in the kitchen so that they could talk and connect free of any distractions.
  • Paul asked Karen to tell him about her day and as she began to bring up challenges and complaints she’d had, instead of cutting her off with problem solving solutions Paul just held Karen closer, gave her a big hug, kissed her on the forehead and said he was sorry she had a hard day but they should now focus on enjoying their night together.
  • Paul then cooked Karen a meal, cleaned the kitchen afterwards and then asked if he could run her a bath, give her a massage, put on her favourite show or movie or just talk some more together.


And whilst Paul doesn’t have as much “STUFF” as most guys do, he does have one very important thing that very few guys have in their collection of  “STUFF”. And that’s the knowledge and understanding of what women want from men in a relationship.

And can I make one other very important point for men!! Something else great will happen for Paul and especially Karen that night. Because Paul effectively connected with Karen on an emotional level through making an effort, effectively communicating and providing her with love and affection, Karen is going to be hornier than she ever was in the 10 years she was married to the rich douchebag still high fiving his mates at the bar and searching form his next ex wife.

And despite only dating for 2 months, Karen and Paul are about to have the most intensely passionate and enjoyable sex of their lives which will leave Karen begging for more most nights of the week.
And as Paul continues to make Karen happy despite a lack of “STUFF”, to the douchebags at the pubs great surprise, Karen and Paul stay together long term and eventually end up getting married. And they do so living happily in a modest house with an ordinary car and no holiday house to escape to.


But here’s the thing fellas, Karen doesn’t feel the need to escape anywhere!! Wherever she is and whatever she’s doing with Paul results in her being happy so long as it involves Paul giving her:

  1. Attention
  2. Affection and
  3. Emotional connection


And remember Karen’s ex? You know the rich, successful guy at the bar laughing and high fiving with his mates. Well he’s now drinking alone in the dark of his small apartment which is all he was able to afford after the divorce.


photo: www.michigandivorcehelp.com


So am I saying you shouldn’t work hard and strive to be successful?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I’m not suggesting that at all but I am suggesting you consider one of the following two suggestions:


  1.  If you’re still in your 20’s or early to mid 30’s and incredibly focused on success which results in an unhealthy work ethic and commitment to your business or job, I suggest you strongly consider being single. And I’d suggest staying single until you’ve reached a point of success that allows you to delegate tasks to employees or team members of yours. This will then allow you to works hours that still maintain a good level of success whilst also affording you the necessary time to devote to building and maintaining a successful relationship or marriage.

2.   And If you’re currently married or in a long term relationship and your work schedule doesn’t allow you to provide your partner with sufficient

  1. Attention
  2. Affection and
  3. Emotional connection. I suggest for the happiness of your wife and the attainment of your own long term financial assets and emotional well being that you consider alternative career opportunities that involve less working hours.


Even if this means you have to sell all your “STUFF” and relocate to a smaller house in a more affordable area. Because if you work so hard and so much that you don’t have the time and energy to make your wife happy, well you may end up losing all your “STUFF”, plus your wife as well.


photo: www.thatbestman.com



If you enjoyed this post feel free to like, share and leave your comments below and keep tuning back into Improvemant.com for regular videos to improve yourself as a man.


And if you’d like to dress sharper, feel more confident and actually enjoy the process of going clothes shopping you can see all my men’s personal styling and clothes shopping services here at my Image Doctor website.


Image Doctor                            WWW.IMAGEDOC.COM.AU


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