Hey guys, Dan Thomas from Image Doctor and Improvemant.com and today I’m kicking off a mini series of the BIGGEST MISTAKES BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS MAKE.
This will be an ongoing series in which I reveal one killer mistake per video and I’m actually launching this series with the help of Aaron Marino who runs the YouTube channel Alpha M which now has an insane 1.5 Million subscribers and is the leading men’s style and grooming YopuTube channel in the world.
Now Aaron has been a huge inspiration and mentor to me for many years and he’s actually the reason I started my blog and image consulting business so it’s a real honour to team up with him and put together a video I know will be beneficial for husbands, boyfriends and especially single dudes who want to hit the ground running and over impress their future girlfriend from day one.
So here goes fellas……..
As men, we are born problem solvers!! This is because our brains are wired to think in logical sequences and when we encounter a problem, our brain immediately goes into problem solving mode.
This logical problem solving approach is great for our own personal problems and awesome when fixing, repairing or building things, but today I’m going to tell you why problem solving is actually very damaging when it comes to your relationships and your status as either an amazing boyfriend or husband or one who makes your girlfriend or wife want to pull her hair out.
As an example, let’s say your wife or girlfriend comes home from work and you ask her how her day was? She explains that she hates her boss, isn’t enjoying going to work and its making her miserable to wake up each working day.
As men, hearing our lady say these statements turns on our instinctive male DNA switch and we go straight into problem solving mode. As alpha males looking after out women we start delivering her a step by step action plan that goes something like this:
•Ok baby I want you to go to HR first thing Monday morning and make a formal complaint about your boss.
•Next, I want you to start asking all your colleagues if they have a problem with the boss too.
•Then write your boss an e mail and request a sit down meeting with her.
•In the meantime I want you to write down everything you want to discuss with your boss so your prepared and calm during the meeting.
•And at the same time I also want you to start looking for new jobs on seek and career one so you have a back-up plan if nothing gets resolved.
And just as you start to lean back in your alpha male chair and pat yourself on the back for solving all your ladies problems in 30 seconds , your partner get’s pissed off and storms away in an even angrier state than before you delivered what you thought was a helpful, problem solving action plan that would make her feel better.
When your wife or girlfriend was at work and enduring her horrible boss and shitty day, she just felt like being somewhere else, ideally in the arms of the man she loves who can comfort her and make her feel loved and temporarily better.
She was not sitting at work saying, man I need to get home as fast as I possibly can so my man can fix this complex and difficult situation that I’m in.
So when she comes home looking for that big cuddle or kiss on the forehead to feel momentarily distracted and a little bit better about her day, she’s instead confronted with your overwhelming problem solving action plan which only adds more noise to what’s already a very loud thought process she’s having in her own mind.
Now as a fellow bloke who’s been in this very situation many times myself, I’m not having a go at you because the very unfortunate thing is that I know your problem solving action plan is being delivered from the heart and you genuinely feel that doing so will help the lady you love to feel better again.
When your partner comes home sad or upset and explains the reasons why, you will be seen as a better boyfriend or husband if you simply do the following:
•Give her a genuine, heartfelt hug
•Kiss her on the forehead
•Tell her that you love her
•Say you’re sorry she’s having troubles at work
•And tell her that if she would like to sit down and discuss the issue then your all ears and will listen intently.
And what will happen more often than not is that your partner will hug and kiss you back, thank you for being sweet and supportive and will probably not even want to talk any more about the issue.
This is because she will feel much better just knowing that her man is a rock to lean on and cares and loves her.
Now if you compare that positive outcome to her usual pissed off reaction following your problem solving action plan, I’m pretty sure I know which outcome you’d prefer to experience as a boyfriend or husband.
At the end of the day she doesn’t want or expect you to be able solve all her problems. What she does want though is to know that you will always be there as a sounding board to vent to and someone who will absorb some of her pain and be there to support and love her which you primarily deliver through physical affection rather than problem solving words.
As men in relationships, we need to fight this natural and instinctive urge to problem solve our partners problems, and instead just be a rock and a sounding board for them to lean on.
In the event that she does want to sit down and talk about her problem in detail, as she’s opening up and explaining her issues to you, DON’T EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER cut her off and start firing problem solving solutions as to how she could and should fix things.
Just let her talk, and talk, and talk and then let her talk some more. And I promise that just allowing her to vent and verbalize her feelings and emotions will make her feel far better about the situation and if, and only if she says something like “what do you think I should do?” or “what are your thoughts?”, it’s only at this point that you can then put your alpha male problem solving cap on and offer your suggestions in improving her situation.
I really hope this advice helped guys as relationships are very tricky and us blokes need all the help we can get in understanding the female brain and how we ca best serve it.
If you did find this helpful, you can find hundreds more videos on relationships, sex, men’s style and grooming and motivational topics by clicking right here and heading over to my videoblog Improvemant.com
And if you live in Australia and I want to learn how to dress better and feel more confident, just google Image Doctor and you can check out all my men’s image consulting and personal clothes shopping services to get you looking and feeling as sharp as possible.
Thanks so much for listening guys and keep learning and improving yourselves.