Hey guys, Dan Thomas from Image Doctor and Improvemant.com and watch the video above or read the article below to learn the BIGGEST MISTAKES BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS MAKE.
Today’s video is the first in what will be an on going mini series of the biggest mistakes boyfriends and husbands make in relationships and marriages.
Whilst I’m bias, I truly believe this mini series could help men become aware of the damaging mistakes they are making in their relationship and provide the education to correct these areas before it’s too late and they are sitting in a divorce lawyers court with a heavy heart and light wallet.
I’m kicking off this series with one of the most common and incredibly damaging mistakes many boyfriends and husbands make which is ONLY BEING AFFECTIONATE WHEN THEY WANT SEX, but rarely showing affectionate at any other times.
I truly can’t stress enough how much this one mistake can completely cripple the health and happiness of your partner, relationship and sex life.
As I often do in my videos I’m going to provide an analogy to highlight why this mistake is so damaging and hopefully allow you to understand why and how you are making your wife or girlfriend feel as a result.
I acknowledge my analogy is a huge stereotype but it’s difficult to find an example that’s black and white and not grey so apologies if I offend anyone.
It could be seen that many couples collide over the use of credit cards within a relationship in which the female may need to approach the male to discuss, present her case and negotiate the use of a credit card to purchase items a man doesn’t see as necessities.
These are typically items the lady has an emotional desire to buy such as clothing, home wares, furniture and any such related item. In these cases a man often gets his back up and becomes like the CFO of the relationship and does his best to talk her out of buying the items.
Now can you imagine if your lady rarely or never showed you any affection in the form of holding your hand, giving you hugs and couch cuddles and kissing you in non sexual areas like the cheeks and forehead.
Now imagine how you would feel if you were standing in the kitchen or your man cave and your lady came up from behind, wrapped her arms around you, kissed your neck and seductively ran her nails over your chest, arms and stomach.
Then imagine she turned you around, brought you in close and passionately kissed you.
And just as your becoming turned on and aroused, your high excitement levels torpedo to the ground as she flashes her best puppy dog eyes and says something like “Can I please use the credit card to go shopping today?”
“I need new shoes for my girls night out on Friday and we really need some nice new bath towels.”
“Oh and I don’t think the 13 cushions on our bed are enough, I think it would look much better if we had 20 bed cushions so I’ll need to buy 7 more of those too.”
“Should I take the MasterCard or American Express?”
How did you feel listening to that scenario? Was your blood boiling? Did you put yourself in my position and feel like a human money dispenser? And were you saying to yourself “what a bitch”, “what a sponge”and maybe some more colourful lines that aren’t fit for me to repeat?
The lady in that scenario is doing a bad thing because she’s only applying affection and physical love and attention when she stands to gain something from doing so. In her case it was to buy shoes, bath towels and bed cushions.
Well if that ladies a bitch and a sponge, the majority of boyfriends and husbands are pricks, assholes and jerks who do the exact same thing but just have a different objective in mind.
Guys love sex, none of us need to be reminded of this fact and we all know we are willing to go to great lengths to get it. Ironically though, most men are unaware that the selfish and damaging way they try and initiate sex with their partners is actually completely turning her off having sex with you.
This is not only in the moment you make the attempt, but in a far more damaging long term and permanent sense.
You see fellas, in the same way you would grow to resent your lady if she only showed you affection when she wanted to splurge with a credit card, she too is growing to resent and even hate you for only showing her affection when you want sex from her.
It’s even worse for her though, because just like men thrive on and need sex to be happy in a relationship, women thrive on and need affection and emotional connection to be happy in a relationship.
And to delve even deeper, whilst many men can be upset or angry with their partner but still desire to have sex with them, it’s virtually impossible for a wife or girlfriend to want to have sex if she is upset or emotionally disconnected from you.
So hopefully you now have a better understanding of why this is such a damaging mistake and I will now offer you a very powerful piece of advice.
So I want you to turn the volume up to a hundred, concentrate and pay attention to this advice as it will make a huge difference to the happiness of your partner, the health of your relationship and the frequency of your sex life.
If you want to be a good husband or boyfriend and make your wife or girlfriend happy, what you want to do is make a conscious effort once a day to provide her with non sexual affection for an extended period of time.
So let me break that down into three factors and explain each.
Factor number one is to make a conscious effort at least once a day to provide her with affection. I don’t care if you need to make a conscious mental note, write it in your diary, send yourself a calendar invite or set a reminder on your phone. Just do whatever it takes to make sure you provide your partner with affection each and everyday.
Factor number two is for that affection to be non sexual in nature. Most guys idea of affection is kissing their partners neck, trying to pash her lips, grab her ass or even worse her boobs. Whilst you call this affection, she calls it shit foreplay!!
And whilst you’re thinking you’re a sex god as you kiss her neck and feel her up in the kitchen, she’s repulsed by you and thinking “if only he knew how to turn me on I’d actually want to FUCK him”
So what is non sexual affection? Non sexual affection is showing her affection in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with sex and ideally take place in an area where sex is not able to or very unlikely to occur. Physical acts of affection include:
And as mentioned it’s fantastic if you can do these affectionate acts when:
And anywhere else where your partner knows your affection doesn’t have the ulterior motive of turning into sex like it can do in the privacy of your home. This way she knows you are just giving her affection because you want to feel close and connected to her.
And factor number three is that you want to try and make this period of affection a minimum of say 5 minutes per day as opposed to just giving her a quick kiss on the forehead and saying you love her once a day.
What you want to do is actually sit down on the couch with her, turn the TV off, put your phone in another room and on silent and actually give her a cuddle, ask her how her day was and hold her hand and give her kisses as you chat.
Or go for a walk at night and hold her hand or put your arm around her. By doing so you are giving her the affection and emotional connection she needs to feel close to you. And if you are willing to make this effort on a consistent basis, it won’t be you performing the shit foreplay in the kitchen anymore.
It will actually be her doing those things to you but the big difference is you’ll love it when she’s doing it to you!!
Your unselfish, non-sexual affection will make her feel closer and more connected to you, and this will result in her wanting to buy THE ONE AND ONLY CUSHION THAT DUDES WANT ON THEIR BED:
So please think about what I’ve said and make the effort to provide her that unselfish, non sexual affection each and every day.
I hope this information was helpful for you and if you enjoyed the video and article, feel free to like, share and leave your comments down below and keep tuning back into Improvemant.com for regular videos to improve yourself as a man.
And if you would like some help or guidance to improve or update your current style and image, you can see all my men’s personal styling and clothes shopping services here at my Image Doctor website