Hey guys my name’s Dan Thomas and I started Improvemant.com because I’ve improved my life despite set backs and challenges and I know I can help other modern day men do the same.
About 6 years ago, at the age of 25 everything was ticking along really well in my life.
Not all was perfect though as I’d suffered from a chronic pain condition since the age of 20 which affected my central nervous system and caused me to suffer from chronic back pain.
This condition forced me to have to give up my lifelong passion of playing rugby league and not even be able to perform simple tasks like going for a jog, let alone a sprint or lift weights as I always had for exercise and fitness.
But I’m a positive guy and with so many other amazing blessings in my life I dealt with the pain condition as best I could and got on with life.
Whilst nothing changed in having the most amazing family in the world, the following changes did take place:
After remaining positive and hopeful for so many years that I would find a cure, I finally saw a chronic pain specialist who explained there is no cure for the condition and I would have to attend a full time, 4 week pain management clinic to learn to live with and manage chronic pain for the rest of my life.
In order to attend the clinic I had to walk away from my thriving business as the work was physical in nature and now that I realised I would always have the condition, I knew I was unable to maintain my work schedule and the physical labor involved.
It’s safe to say I was in a pretty dire emotional state at this stage of my life which I’m not at all embarrassed to admit. Many people would have struggled with just one of the life challenges I was facing let alone all of them at the same time.
I was forced to rebuild my life which was overwhelming enough on it’s own, but I had to do so carrying around an enormous amount of internal anger (rage is probably a more accurate word)
I felt like many people struggle and don’t get ahead in life because they are lazy or self sabotage there chances of success by placing more importance on drinking alcohol, taking drugs and spending their 20’s travelling the world and racking up a lot of financial debt along the way.
Yet here I was, having never even touched a cigarette, never taken any type of recreational drug, not drunk alcohol since the age of 22 and worked 70 plus hours a week, 50 weeks of the year for 5 years whilst most of my mates were partying, travelling or doing degrees they had no interest in or any idea of where it would take them.
Why was I being punished instead of rewarded for the dedication, drive and hunger I’d put into my life which most people double my age didn’t even have the capacity to do.
And why did my long term girlfriend DUMP me?
SO WHY DID MY LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND DUMP ME THEN?
WAS I ACTUALLY A GOOD BOYFRIEND OR DID I JUST ASSUME/THINK I WAS?
You saw that list above, I didn’t act like a prick, I earned good money, I worked hard, I had goals and ambitions, I wanted to be a good partner and maybe one day a good husband and even father!!
WHAT MORE DOES A GIRL WANT FROM A GUY?……………………………. A LOT MORE!!
Turns out a lot of what I thought were great things I offered as a boyfriend were actually negatives for most women including the girl I was with.
So how do I NOW know that as a boyfriend, I wasn’t providing my girlfriend at the time what she needed and wanted to stay with me and consider building a future together?
In most cases men are very success/achievement orientated. We derive a great deal of our self worth and confidence from our ability to achieve and succeed in different areas of our lives. We often place a larger degree of importance on career progression and the attainment of monetary possessions like houses, cars, boats and watches than we do on building the relationships of our family, friends and partners.
Women on the other hand will typically place larger value on the attainment and development of happy and successful relationships within their lives through, friends, family and especially the common desire to give birth to and raise and develop a child or children.
Despite men’s desires to be successful in a range of areas and the considerable effort and measures taken to achieve this, most or just about all men place no effort, hard work or deliberate STUDY towards understanding women and researching what it takes to be successful as a boyfriend and husband.
So many men are busy working their asses off to get the promotion, their own office, big house, fast cars, slick boat and shiny watch. But for over 50% of men who’s marriages end in divorce, they have to sell all those items they worked so hard to obtain in order to pay child support, alimony and rent a small apartment whilst their ex is living in the big house they worked their ass off to buy. And these same men are now living alone without their beloved children who they only see on weekends or every other week in between painful pick up’s at the house they would prefer to be living in.
Men want to kick ass and be successful, but for some reason most men think that succeeding in relationships and marriages just happens all on it’s own once the commitment to tie the knots been made.
Well if relationships and marriages are like a university degree, making the commitment or tying the knot is just like enrolling in classes and buying textbooks.
It’s only the first steps and if you want to pass your exams, gain your degree and build a successful career you need to STUDY those text books back to front, spend your weekends doing revision, complete and hand in assignments and cram for exams.
And if you make all those sacrifices and efforts to STUDY, the chances of gaining your degree and succeeding in your field of expertise will be far greater. So if your a guy who’s enrolled in your relationship or marriage you need to STUDY:
Oh and those topics above are just the subjects covered in the first semester of a 4 year degree.
I grew up playing Rugby League and was ball boy for the A grade side when I was a kid, I then started playing in teams with young and middle aged men when I was a teenager. From the age of 12 I was working part time after school and on the weekends with men and then once I was of legal age I was obviously out and about socializing with men.
I would be retired and own my OWN PRIVATE ISLAND if I had a dollar for every time I heard a man say something like:
So when I went through break ups as a teenager and young adult I too began to draw on all of these ideas men had fed me my whole life and began to develop the same opinion of women myself.
I had been witness to so many men who got DUMPED and responded by saying:
Most guys then proceed to get blind drunk or high every waking hour they’re not obliged to be at work. These men are trying to numb the PAIN/DEFEAT/DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION from being DUMPED/REJECTED/HUMILIATED AND EMASCULATED with alcohol, drugs, shocking drunk dance moves, gambling on pokie machines or sports matches and having drunk one night stands that end with embarrassing tip toeing walks of shame.
When I witnessed these types of men I hoped I would never be that type of guy. But after a few break ups at an age in which I lacked the emotional intelligence to really process and breakdown my experiences and emotions, I felt I was becoming just like all the men I had witnessed before me. Whilst I fortunately never used alcohol, drugs or gambling to distract my pain, I did find myself bad mouthing women and taking no responsibility for why the relationship didn’t work out.
Where as my earlier break ups were shorter term 12 and 18 month relationships, when my girlfriend of 5 years DUMPED me I had a choice.
I decided to go with CHOICE #2.
But how was I going to work out if I was in fact missing pieces to the good boyfriend puzzle or if in fact the puzzle (women) were just too hard to put together (understand/make happy) ?
I had always loved reading and decided the path I would take to researching, studying and cracking the code of what women want from a man and in a relationship would be via BOOKS.
So I began reading 2, 3 and 5 books per week on all things women, relationships and sex. And the best way I can describe my feelings as I read these books is how a coach of a professional sporting team would feel if he stumbled upon the play books and game plans of all his rival coaches.
I had always been very interested in psychology and found it truly fascinating how psychology and especially the habits, roles and lifestyles of our earliest ancestors – CAVE MEN/WOMEN played such a significant role in modern day relationships or more accurately, the problems that take place within modern day relationships and marriages.
To date I have read well over 100 books that were written specifically for men to better understand women, relationships and how to be a good partner to avoid the chances of becoming yet another divorce statistic who has to deal with the damaging emotional and financial consequences.
So I now felt like I had an incredibly good understanding of women and relationships. By this time the dust had settled on my break up and with time came the clarity that not only did my ex treat me poorly, but we had literally nothing in common other than a strong physical attraction to one another and a great deal of naivety around what it took for 2 people to successfully co exist within a relationship and life together.
What I actually discovered as much as anything else was that I realized I didn’t think I could be happy unless I had a girlfriend. And worse still I allowed myself to stay with somebody and be mistreated through an avoidance to go outside of my comfort zone to be single again despite knowing for the last 2 or so years of that relationship that I wasn’t with the right person.
As I write this I feel ashamed and embarrassment to have allowed myself to be in that position, however I only need to recall the countless men I have met and encountered since who I strongly believe would be in a similar situation of being unhappy in a relationship, but staying put through fear of the unknown.
Around the same time I had made this discovery I was also in the process of trying to figure out my next career move and rebuilding that area of my life following the completion of my time at the pain management clinic.
Despite still being in an overwhelmed and challenging emotional and mental state I was feeling stronger and ready to try and get my career back on track or at least establish a new career for myself.
I am a born entrepreneur!! I despised every second of school and you could not have paid me to apply myself to subjects that were not of interest to me. Unfortunately for me, every single subject in the Australian high school curriculum except for P.E, the writing components of English and team sports were of absolutely no interest to me.
I floated through high school spending more time talking in class than listening and basically had a seat in after school detention with my name engraved on it.
If my school didn’t have a Rugby League team I’m very confident I would not have graduated high school. I did go through to year 12 but in hindsight I would have been far better to have quit as early as my parents would have allowed me.
Following high school I worked a few odd jobs for 6 months here and 9 months there before deciding I wanted to become a nurse as I’m a very soft and kind hearted person by nature and the idea of helping others and making a difference appealed to me.
I was going to apply and pay for University to study a nursing degree but thankfully my brothers girlfriend at the time was a nurse and instead advised me to first become an enrolled nurse through T.A.F.E. This was like a 12 month, paid apprenticeship which did involve theory but unlike a nursing University degree it was made up of predominantly practical experience rotating through a variety of wards within a resident hospital.
This option would give me hands on experience and allow me to decide if nursing was a long term career option I would enjoy before committing to and paying for the Uni degree.
As it turned out, I loved the contact with patients and helping people and their families during challenging times. However I hated the idea of my creativity which was always abundant and especially my financial capacity having a ceiling which painted a rather bleak long term financial outlook.
The idea of owning my own business and having the ability to allow my direct efforts to dictate my financial position was immensely appealing to me. So I decided to not pursue a nursing career and instead purchased a property maintenance franchise at the age of 21 in which I performed window cleaning, vacate cleaning, pressure cleaning, graffiti removal and tendered commercial and strata contracts.
I purchased a green field franchise with zero clientelle but within 6 months through tenacious sales efforts and a great deal of hard grind and ground work I had already built up a schedule of clients that had me full with work 6 days a week and earning double what I would have earned as a registered nurse after 8 years on the wards in which time the salary gradually increased each year before being capped.
because I feel for blokes, it’s a pretty challenging time we are living in at the momen
It seems we have more on our plates than ever before:
Unlike previous generations of men, our lives are now on a public display through the very rich social media society we now live in.
There is nowhere to hide which has put the expectation to be successful under a very bright spotlight and forced men to compare their lives and level of success and accomplishment to that of their friends, colleagues and social network members more than ever before.
This scrutiny and spotlight has lead to modern day men feeling inadequate or not as successful as they would like to be.
But despite all these drastic changes, what hasn’t changed is that many men are still suffering in silence and living by the old rules of keeping everything bottled up and just battling on with no help, guidance or road map.
My mission and driving force for Improvemant.com is to build a community of men who want to make improvements in various areas of their lives so they feel more in alignment with their long term desires, goals and ambitions.
By visiting Improvemant.com you will find up to 5 new videos and related articles posted each and every week covering the main areas that I feel can contribute to being a successful, fulfilled and most importantly a happy modern day man.
By getting into the habit of tuning into Improvemant.com each day on your commute to and from work or last thing before going to bed, you are going to be building what I refer to as a success library of content that will allow you to enhance your chances of being the modern day man you want to be and that I can help you become.