ABOUT IMPROVEMANT.COM

 

 

WHY I STARTED IMPROVEMANT.COM

 

 

 

 

Hey guys my name’s Dan Thomas and I started Improvemant.com because I’ve improved my life despite set backs and challenges and I know I can help other modern day men do the same.

 

About 6 years ago, at the age of 25 everything was ticking along really well in my life.

 

I had:

  • The most amazing family including my amazing parents who’ve been married over 40 years and 3 older brothers who I’m blessed to say are my 3 best mates in the world
  • A flourishing 6 figure business I started at the age of 21 that I built from nothing
  • A gorgeous long term girlfriend
  • A block of land I’d purchased myself after saving close to $250’000 in just 3 years from working hard and building up my business
  • The excitement of building my dream home, buying a dog and moving in with my long term girlfriend to start thinking about settling down.

 

Not all was perfect though as I’d suffered from a chronic pain condition since the age of 20 which affected my central nervous system and caused me to suffer from chronic back pain.

 

This condition forced me to have to give up my lifelong passion of playing rugby league and not even be able to perform simple tasks like going for a jog, let alone a sprint or lift weights as I always had for exercise and fitness.

 

But I’m a positive guy and with so many other amazing blessings in my life I dealt with the pain condition as best I could and got on with life.

 

SO WHAT WENT WRONG THEN?

 

Whilst nothing changed in having the most amazing family in the world, the following changes did take place:

  • My long term girlfriend DUMPED ME
  • Despite trying literally every imaginable traditional, alternative and down right whacky medical treatment, procedure (spending over $70’000) and being prescribed every medication/drug imaginable to relieve me of the chronic pain I was suffering through daily, my condition not only worsened but I developed chronic neck pain in addition to the chronic back pain

 

After remaining positive and hopeful for so many years that I would find a cure, I finally saw a chronic pain specialist who explained there is no cure for the condition and I would have to attend a full time, 4 week pain management clinic to learn to live with and manage chronic pain for the rest of my life.

 

In order to attend the clinic I had to walk away from my thriving business as the work was physical in nature and now that I realised I would always have the condition, I knew I was unable to maintain my work schedule and the physical labor involved.

 

SO AT THE AGE OF 26 I HAD LOST:

  • The girl I thought I would settle down with
  • The business I poured 6 years, 6 days and over 70 hours of work per week into
  • My high income which allowed me to very comfortably pay my mortgage and begin planning to build my dream home despite being just 25
  • The ability to exercise, stay fit and take part in sports and the gym work that had always been a core focus of my life

 

AND AT THE AGE OF 26 I HAD GAINED:

  • The development of depression and anxiety which naturally developed for me (and most sufferers of chronic pain) as a result of so many life stresses occurring at once
  • The fear and overwhelm of not knowing what to do with my career and having nothing to fall back on after starting the business so young at the age of 21
  • The stress of having a large mortgage that was previously serviced by a high income but not having the back up of a partners second income to ease the burden
  • Being single through a difficult period in my life when I had always been a relationship guy who took comfort in the support

 

It’s safe to say I was in a pretty dire emotional state at this stage of my life which I’m not at all embarrassed to admit. Many people would have struggled with just one of the life challenges I was facing let alone all of them at the same time.

 

I HAD TO REBUILD AND START OVER

 

I was forced to rebuild my life which was overwhelming enough on it’s own, but I had to do so carrying around an enormous amount of internal anger (rage is probably a more accurate word)

 

I felt like many people struggle and don’t get ahead in life because they are lazy or self sabotage there chances of success by placing more importance on drinking alcohol, taking drugs and spending their 20’s travelling the world and racking up a lot of financial debt along the way.

 

Yet here I was, having never even touched a cigarette, never taken any type of recreational drug, not drunk alcohol since the age of 22 and worked 70 plus hours a week, 50 weeks of the year for 5 years whilst most of my mates were partying, travelling or doing degrees they had no interest in or any idea of where it would take them.

 

WHY, WHY, FUCKING WHY? 

 

Why was I being punished instead of rewarded for the dedication, drive and hunger I’d put into my life which most people double my age didn’t even have the capacity to do.

 

And why did my long term girlfriend DUMP me?

  • I didn’t disrespect her, be mean or unpleasant in anyway
  • I supported her in difficult times
  • I worked hard to be able to provide her what I thought would be a safe and secure life
  • I earned a lot of money
  • I didn’t drink and go out partying with the boys and leave her at home
  • I wasn’t at all jealous and possessive and actually encouraged her to have girls nights out and go to clubs and bars
  • I was unselfish in bed

 

SO WHY DID MY LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND DUMP ME THEN? 

 

 

I HAD TO ASK MYSELF THE QUESTION MOST MEN ARE TOO PROUD TO ASK 

 

 

WAS I ACTUALLY A GOOD BOYFRIEND OR DID I JUST ASSUME/THINK I WAS?

 

You saw that list above, I didn’t act like a prick, I earned good money, I worked hard, I had goals and ambitions, I wanted to be a good partner and maybe one day a good husband and even father!!

 

WHAT MORE DOES A GIRL WANT FROM A GUY?……………………………. A LOT MORE!!

 

Turns out a lot of what I thought were great things I offered as a boyfriend were actually negatives for most women including the girl I was with.

  • I did treat her well and was a stand up guy: Who cares though??? Nah seriously who cares??? The salesman selling you a phone plan, Foxtel subscription, custom suit or vacuum cleaner may be the sweetest, most caring, charitable and philanthropic dude in the whole entire world!! But if you don’t need or want a new phone plan, Foxtel subscription, custom suit or vacuum cleaner you aint buying and he aint selling. I’m not saying nice guys finish last, I’m simply saying that nice guys can be with a girl who want’s something the nice guys doesn’t have or can’t offer to her to meet the desires she has not only in a relationship but in her life to be happy.
  • I worked hard to be able to provide her what I thought would be a safe and secure life: But I lost her in the process because she justifiably felt second best to my business and the insane work ethic and career ambition I had.
  • I earned a lot of money: But the money came from the insane commitment to my business which A) made her feel second best and B) Didn’t allow me the time to travel extensively which was her main desire in life. I was also very focused and committed to saving my money and buying my first property at a young age to get ahead earlier in life. Again I wasn’t doing anything wrong personally but I was just with the wrong person who wanted to use available funds to travel extensively rather than get ahead financially.
  • I didn’t drink and go out partying with the boys and leave her at home: Whilst this one element alone was a positive trait of mine, the reason I wasn’t a party boy is because by nature I’m more low key and happy chilling at home and in bed early so I can be surfing by 6am on a Saturday and Sunday morning. But being more low key meant I didn’t offer her the the excitement, fun and spontaneity most women crave. I’m not saying I should have totally changed the person I was but I could of made a bigger effort to be more eventful. But of far more importance, I shouldn’t have been with a girl so different to me who generally hated being at home, always wanted to be out and about and lived to travel.
  • I wasn’t at all jealous and possessive and actually encouraged her to have girls nights out and go to clubs and bars: This was because A) I’m very secure within myself but more importantly I think being jealous and possessive is not only insanely destructive for a relationship but also a complete waste of energy and emotion. And B) We didn’t have any shared interests. So by letting her go out I could do things I enjoyed that she didn’t like watch footy, TV shows/movies, read, sketch etc. But if I had of been with somebody who had either shared interests or her own independent interests and hobbies we would not of had the relationship issues we had.
  • I was unselfish in bed: I made it my priority to satisfy her in bed and wasn’t even bothered about myself. But I was guilty of what I now know to be one of the most DEVASTATINGLY DESTRUCTIVE relationship mistakes a boyfriend/husband can make. The mistake was being overly affectionate and tactile when I was trying to initiate sex but far less affectionate and tactile at other times. Women have intuition and bullshit detectors that are literally injected with STEROIDS. What I’ve since learnt is that I’m incredibly affectionate and can’t keep my hands off women I’ve since been with or my dog who I love more than anything in the world. But because I was with a girl I didn’t actually love or respect in the true sense I only found the desire to be affectionate before sex when it seemed to make sense and had a practical reason behind it. But my lack of true love and respect meant I didn’t feel compelled to be overly affectionate for no other reason than having the desire to share my love and affection whole heartedly and without any need or reason to do so.

 

So how do I NOW know that as a boyfriend, I wasn’t providing my girlfriend at the time what she needed and wanted to stay with me and consider building a future together?

 

 

I RESEARCHED, STUDIED AND SEEKED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WOMEN WANT

 

 

WHY IS IT THAT? 

 

  • MEN who want to improve their wealth STUDY finances, money and wealth creation
  • MEN who want to climb the corporate ladder STUDY management, leadership and influence
  • MEN who want to lose weight STUDY nutrition, diet and exercise
  • MEN who want to get bigger or more ripped STUDY human movement, callisthenics and bodybuilding.
  • MEN who want to lower their golf handicap pay for a coach, STUDY YouTube videos and practise, practise, practise.
  • MEN who obsess about getting to the next level in a computer game stay up late, are tired the next day and throw tantrums until they STUDY and master how to beat their virtual opponents
  • MEN who want to have sex with random girls STUDY attraction, game and pick up (I think game and pick up is sleazy bullshit by the way)

 

BUT MEN WHO WANT TO BE GOOD BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS DON’T STUDY HOW TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN, RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES? 

 

In most cases men are very success/achievement orientated. We derive a great deal of our self worth and confidence from our ability to achieve and succeed in different areas of our lives. We often place a larger degree of importance on career progression and the attainment of monetary possessions like houses, cars, boats and watches than we do on building the relationships of our family, friends and partners.

 

Women on the other hand will typically place larger value on the attainment and development of happy and successful relationships within their lives through, friends, family and especially the common desire to give birth to and raise and develop a child or children.

 

Despite men’s desires to be successful in a range of areas and the considerable effort and measures taken to achieve this, most or just about all men place no effort, hard work or deliberate STUDY towards understanding women and researching what it takes to be successful as a boyfriend and husband.

 

So many men are busy working their asses off to get the promotion, their own office, big house, fast cars, slick boat and shiny watch. But for over 50% of men who’s marriages end in divorce, they have to sell all those items they worked so hard to obtain in order to pay child support, alimony and rent a small apartment whilst their ex is living in the big house they worked their ass off to buy. And these same men are now living alone without their beloved children who they only see on weekends or every other week in between painful pick up’s at the house they would prefer to be living in.

 

Men want to kick ass and be successful, but for some reason most men think that succeeding in relationships and marriages just happens all on it’s own once the commitment to tie the knots been made.

 

Well if relationships and marriages are like a university degree, making the commitment or tying the knot is just like enrolling in classes and buying textbooks.

 

It’s only the first steps and if you want to pass your exams, gain your degree and build a successful career you need to  STUDY those text books back to front, spend your weekends doing revision, complete and hand in assignments and cram for exams.

 

And if you make all those sacrifices and efforts to STUDY, the chances of gaining your degree and succeeding in your field of expertise will be far greater. So if your a guy who’s enrolled in your relationship or marriage you need to STUDY:

  • WOMEN 1.0
  • WOMEN 1.0: THE REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION
  • WOMEN 2.0
  • WOMEN 2.0: THE REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION
  • WOMEN 3.0
  • WOMEN 3.0: THE REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION
  • THE DIFFERENCES IN HOW MEN AND WOMEN THINK
  • WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP VS WHAT MEN WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
  • WHAT WOMEN WANT IN BED
  • HOW MEN ARE TURNED IN FOR SEX VS HOW WOMEN ARE TURNED ON FOR SEX
  • HABITS THAT PISS WOMEN OFF
  • WHY WOMEN WANT MEN TO BE MORE EXPRESSIVE WITH THEIR FEELINGS
  • WHY WOMEN HATE MEN TRYING TO PROBLEM SOLVE THEIR ISSUES
  • HOW TO EFFECTIVELY LISTEN TO WOMEN TO AVOID ARGUMENTS
  • WORDS TO AVOID USING DURING AN ARGUMENT
  • EFFECTIVE LANGUAGE AND WORDS TO USE DURING AN ARGUMENT 
  • HOW TO BE ROMANTIC
  • WHY MODERN DAY MEN NEED TO BE DOMESTICATED
  • WHY RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES IN TODAY’S SOCIETY ARE SO DIFFERENT TO OUR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS 
  • WHY MODERN DAY CAREER WOMEN NEED A DIFFERENT TYPE OF MAN TO THEIR MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER
  • WHY WORKING HARD TO HAVE SHINY THINGS CAN RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE

 

Oh and those topics above are just the subjects covered in the first semester of a 4 year degree.

 

I’VE COMPLETED MY DEGREE IN UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

 

I grew up playing Rugby League and was ball boy for the A grade side when I was a kid, I then started playing in teams with young and middle aged men when I was a teenager. From the age of 12 I was working part time after school and on the weekends with men and then once I was of legal age I was obviously out and about socializing with men.

 

I would be retired and own my OWN PRIVATE ISLAND if I had a dollar for every time I heard a man say something like:

  • “ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY”
  • “I COULD CURE CANCER BEFORE I UNDERSTAND WOMEN”
  • “I’M LUCKY TO HAVE SEX ONCE A YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY”
  • “MY WIFE STOPPED HAVING SEX ONCE SHE GOT KIDS OUT OF ME”
  • “DAN – DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND STAY SINGLE FOREVER MATE”
  • “DAN – DON’T EVER GET MARRIED”

 

So when I went through break ups as a teenager and young adult I too began to draw on all of these ideas men had fed me my whole life and began to develop the same opinion of women myself.

 

I had been witness to so many men who got DUMPED and responded by saying:

  • “Fuck all women, I’m going to be a bachelor for life”
  • “It’s impossible to make any woman happy”
  • “I couldn’t have worked harder/bought her more nice things/made more money/given her a better life than I did”

 

Most guys then proceed to get blind drunk or high every waking hour they’re not obliged to be at work. These men are trying to numb the PAIN/DEFEAT/DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION  from being DUMPED/REJECTED/HUMILIATED AND EMASCULATED with alcohol, drugs, shocking drunk dance moves, gambling on pokie machines or sports matches and having drunk one night stands that end with embarrassing tip toeing walks of shame.

 

When I witnessed these types of men I hoped I would never be that type of guy.  But after a few break ups at an age in which I lacked the emotional intelligence to really process and breakdown my experiences and emotions, I felt I was becoming just like all the men I had witnessed before me. Whilst I fortunately never used alcohol, drugs or gambling to distract my pain, I did find myself bad mouthing women and taking no responsibility for why the relationship didn’t work out.

 

Where as my earlier break ups were shorter term 12 and 18 month relationships, when my girlfriend of 5 years DUMPED me I had a choice.

 

 

CHOICE #1

 

  • Declare that all women are fucked
  • All women are crazy and incapable of being made happy
  • Swear myself off relationships and declare myself a bachelor for life
  • Carry around bitter, toxic resentment towards women and the idea of relationships

 

 

CHOICE #2

 

 

  • Open my mind and be brave and emotionally intelligent enough to consider the possibility that despite trying hard to be a good boyfriend, not being mean spirited to her in any way and ticking off all the stereotypical “GOOD BOYFRIEND BOXES”, maybe there were pieces to the GOOD BOYFRIEND PUZZLE I was missing or didn’t understand.

 

I decided to go with CHOICE #2. 

 

But how was I going to work out if I was in fact missing pieces to the good boyfriend puzzle or if in fact the puzzle (women) were just too hard to put together (understand/make happy) ?

 

I had always loved reading and decided the path I would take to researching, studying and cracking the code of what women want from a man and in a relationship would be via BOOKS. 

 

So I began reading 2, 3 and 5 books per week on all things women, relationships and sex. And the best way I can describe my feelings as I read these books is how a coach of a professional sporting team would feel if he stumbled upon the play books and game plans of all his rival coaches.

 

I had always been very interested in psychology and found it truly fascinating how psychology and especially the habits, roles and lifestyles of our earliest ancestors – CAVE MEN/WOMEN played such a significant role in modern day relationships or more accurately, the problems that take place within modern day relationships and marriages.

 

To date I have read well over 100 books that were written specifically for men to better understand women, relationships and how to be a good partner to avoid the chances of becoming yet another divorce statistic who has to deal with the damaging emotional and financial consequences.

 

So I now felt like I had an incredibly good understanding of women and relationships. By this time the dust had settled on my break up and with time came the clarity that not only did my ex treat me poorly, but we had literally nothing in common other than a strong physical attraction to one another and a great deal of naivety around what it took for 2 people to successfully co exist within a relationship and life together.

 

 

A KEY LEARNING 

 

 

What I actually discovered as much as anything else was that I realized I didn’t think I could be happy unless I had a girlfriend. And worse still I allowed myself to stay with somebody and be mistreated through an avoidance to go outside of my comfort zone to be single again despite knowing for the last 2 or so years of that relationship that I wasn’t with the right person.

 

As I write this I feel ashamed and embarrassment to have allowed myself to be in that position, however I only need to recall the countless men I have met and encountered since who I strongly believe would be in a similar situation of being unhappy in a relationship, but staying put through fear of the unknown.

 

Around the same time I had made this discovery I was also in the process of trying to figure out my next career move and rebuilding that area of my life following the completion of  my time at the pain management clinic.

 

Despite still being in an overwhelmed and challenging emotional and mental state I was feeling stronger and ready to try and get my career back on track or at least establish a new career for myself.

 

I am a born entrepreneur!! I despised every second of school and you could not have paid me to apply myself to subjects that were not of interest to me. Unfortunately for me, every single subject in the Australian high school curriculum except for P.E, the writing components of English and team sports were of absolutely no interest to me.

 

I floated through high school spending more time talking in class than listening and basically had a seat in after school detention with my name engraved on it.

 

If my school didn’t have a Rugby League team I’m very confident I would not have graduated high school. I did go through to year 12 but in hindsight I would have been far better to have quit as early as my parents would have allowed me.

 

Following high school I worked a few odd jobs for 6 months here and 9 months there before deciding I wanted to become a nurse as I’m a very soft and kind hearted person by nature and the idea of helping others and making a difference appealed to me.

 

I was going to apply and pay for University to study a nursing degree but thankfully my brothers girlfriend at the time was a nurse and instead advised me to first become an enrolled nurse through T.A.F.E. This was like a 12  month, paid apprenticeship which did involve theory but unlike a nursing University degree it was made up of predominantly practical experience rotating through a variety of wards within a resident hospital.

 

This option would give me hands on experience and allow me to decide if nursing was a long term career option I would enjoy before committing to and paying for the Uni degree.

 

As it turned out, I loved the contact with patients and helping people and their families during challenging times. However I hated the idea of my creativity which was always abundant and especially my financial capacity having a ceiling which painted a rather bleak long term financial outlook.

 

The idea of owning my own business and having the ability to allow my direct efforts to dictate my financial position was immensely appealing to me. So I decided to not pursue a nursing career and instead purchased a property maintenance franchise at the age of 21 in which I performed window cleaning, vacate cleaning, pressure cleaning, graffiti removal and tendered commercial and strata contracts.

 

I purchased a green field franchise with zero clientelle but within 6 months through tenacious sales efforts and a great deal of hard grind and ground work I had already built up a schedule of clients that had me full with work 6 days a week and earning double what I would have earned as a registered nurse after 8 years on the wards in which time the salary gradually increased each year before being capped.

because I feel for blokes, it’s a pretty challenging time we are living in at the momen

It seems we have more on our plates than ever before:

  • Instead of working say 9-5, many of us work a schedule of starting early and finishing whenever the days tasks are completed no matter how late that may be.
  • To compound this issue, whilst we work these long and hard hours, unfortunately over 75% of people are not satisfied with or just don’t enjoy the work they do.
  • In terms of relationships, woman are claiming it’s really hard to find a bloke who is marriage or even boyfriend material, and us guys just find it really hard to understand woman and what it is they are looking for in a relationship.
  • Regarding those couples that do take the plunge, unfortunately divorce rates are now at over 50% which is not encouraging at all.
  • And as for single blokes, there seems to be more ways than ever to meet woman yet it still seems tricky to find someone you really click with.
  • Depression and other mental health problems are on a constant rise and the modern day man is expected to show and talk about his feelings and emotions, but for many guys this is less familiar than sitting down to pee or putting the seat back down once we’re finished.
  • Obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, stress, depression and anxiety are occurring at record rates.
  • And we are also living in very challenging financial times where the dream of getting ahead and living a comfortable life is harder than ever and weighs heavily of the accomplishment focus mindsets of men.

 

WHY IT’S DIFFERENT FOR THE MODERN DAY MAN 

 

Unlike previous generations of men, our lives are now on a public display through the very rich social media society we now live in.

 

There is nowhere to hide which has put the expectation to be successful under a very bright spotlight and forced men to compare their lives and level of success and accomplishment to that of their friends, colleagues and social network members  more than ever before.

 

This scrutiny and spotlight has lead to modern day men feeling inadequate or not as successful as they would like to be.

 

But despite all these drastic changes, what hasn’t changed is that many men are still suffering in silence and living by the old rules of keeping everything bottled up and just battling on with no help, guidance or road map.

 

MY MISSION AND DRIVING FORCE 

 

My mission and driving force for Improvemant.com is to build a community of men who want to make improvements in various areas of their lives so they feel more in alignment with their long term desires, goals and ambitions.

 

By visiting Improvemant.com you will find up to 5 new videos and related articles posted each and every week covering the main areas that I feel can contribute to being a successful, fulfilled and most importantly a happy modern day man.

 

By getting into the habit of tuning into Improvemant.com each day on your commute to and from work or last thing before going to bed, you are going to be building what I refer to as a success library of content that will allow you to enhance your chances of being the modern day man you want to be and that I can help you become.

 

  • Men’s style and personal grooming
  • Women and relationships
  • Sex and attraction
  • Health
  • Domestic skills to take care of the home
  • Motivational videos to give you the inspiration to tackle life head on.